Silent Confessions

I’d write you a sonnet
but words just couldn’t
convey what I carry
in my heart, mind and body.

Romance is easy when
it’s shouted over rooftops,
painted over skylines,
exhibited as your backdrop.

But its depths can be measured
when you’re standing alone,
watching all you treasure
being held by someone
while you’re fading into the shadows.

You are my eyes.
You were never mine.
But you should only belong
to yourself, it took me so long
to realise that.

Like an iris
being gifted water and sunlight,
never reaped of life,
blossoming as it should be.

We had two years
of sustained joy.
Although now there’s tears,
our time can never be destroyed.

I know I have burdened
you with the fogginess of
my mind, my short-sightedness,
my paranoia and the assumptions
that I’ve made, but I’m grateful
that you still carry me away.

And if she isn’t true
just cry to the sea,
that’s where you’ll find me.
I’ll absorb all your pain.
Healing - debris cleansed by the rain.

For you I’d
pick out those fungi
that I know you despise.
I’d listen to you talk
about cars and the surf.

You know together
there’s laughter,
and we could bicker,
I’d do all that forever.

But those are short moments
in your whole lifetime
that will spill by like
the hard solos you drink.

I will never say
why you’re alive in my heartbeat
or why you take my breath away.
I hope the volume of my silence
sings louder than those songs
that you love and you hate.